一葉知秋 · 一文喻世
塔 影 悠 悠
作者 黃思靜
. 1 .
河水篩過沙灘，送來潺潺的聲音。對(duì)河云峰塔，在碧云潭上投下修長(zhǎng)的倩影，淪漪泛起，倒影悠悠。江邊送來陣陣寒風(fēng)，我低徊在蓼水河邊。
“你不僅要學(xué)會(huì)記著，還要學(xué)會(huì)忘記?！?/p>
“云峰山上留下我們多少足跡，碧云潭里映下我們多少笑臉。同窗共讀整四載，促膝并肩兩無猜。這怎么能忘懷呢？”
“那么，就讓我做你的親姐姐吧?！边@或許是人與人之間的那種羞澀的表情吧，我預(yù)感到了什么。
女孩走了，男孩也走了。河中的幾只白鷺也輕輕地飛走了。
. 2 .
難道就這樣輕松、平淡嗎？沒有小說里所寫的分手的痛苦和落魄。二十年來，我卻有著深深的思戀和緬懷。那時(shí)我在一所大學(xué)讀書。一天我們到蓼湄春游，游過這座云峰塔。我們班上一對(duì)對(duì)的同學(xué)，都選擇了一個(gè)角度，以塔作為背景，攝下了一張張美麗的合影。
“ 思思，我倆也來一張合影吧！”文靜同學(xué)說了這句話，臉都紅了。
“ 不，不?！蔽夷菚r(shí)只有十八歲，我不懂得人與人之間的相處，是要有一種羞澀的表情的。
她望著我，望著我，眼里涌出了一層淚花。我也望著她的眼睛，忽地我發(fā)現(xiàn)了一個(gè)奇跡：我修長(zhǎng)的身影倒映在她的瞳孔里，形成了一個(gè)顫動(dòng)的人影，仿佛云峰塔修長(zhǎng)的影子倒映在碧云潭上，顫顫悠悠。
那時(shí)年紀(jì)雖小，可是我也深知文靜對(duì)我是很微妙的。
一次，我洗了被子，她主動(dòng)來到寢室?guī)臀铱p被子。她一邊縫一邊唱。她唱的是《天仙配》里的“樹上鳥兒成雙對(duì)，綠水青山帶笑顏。”她唱得顫顫的，甜甜的。雖然我不懂音樂，可是，她是用心靈唱的，當(dāng)然我能感受到?？墒?，那時(shí)我很年輕，我有彩色的夢(mèng)，她，我還沒有很好地想過，雖然她身上有一種特殊的氣質(zhì)。
“ 我送你一張相片?！碑厴I(yè)時(shí)，我為了使自己的心平靜一些。
她接了，貼在心窩上。頭又低下來，好像憶起了什么。
“不過，我的不能送你。我倒可以送你一張蒙娜麗莎的像?！彼难劾镉质撬怆鼥V。
她咋這多傷感，這多悵然，我卻很平常、輕松。
. 3 .
畢業(yè)后，我被分配到蓼湄的一個(gè)化工廠，云峰塔的附近。我當(dāng)上了工程師，也找到了一位有才華的愛人，蓼湄中學(xué)的一位英語教師，不是同學(xué)。
后來，我和妻子感情不好，我時(shí)時(shí)被房里蒙娜麗莎的微笑觸痛。我極想在這微笑里尋找一種什么東西。久看一會(huì)兒，這微笑，又像是文靜同學(xué)的微笑。記得那次音樂課考試，老師安排文靜同學(xué)彈鋼琴伴奏，讓同學(xué)一個(gè)一個(gè)地唱。文靜同學(xué)的鋼琴演奏達(dá)到了超凡脫俗的境界。我唱時(shí)，不知為什么，我未唱完就停了下來。同學(xué)們哈哈大笑起來。文靜同學(xué)說了句“你啦！”，臉上露出一種神秘而溫馨的笑。
妻子也喜歡彈鋼琴，也喜歡彈《梁?！??！读鹤！酚幸环N驚撼人心的旋律和一種闊大的悲愴?！笆讼嗨颓榍星?，誰知一別在樓臺(tái)”。我也聽得一往情深，我也聽得淚流面頰。聽著聽著，我進(jìn)入了一種幻覺，琴臺(tái)上的妻子變成了文靜同學(xué)。隨著琴聲，我仿佛看到了幾只白鷺在碧云潭邊梳理羽毛，又輕輕地，輕輕地飛起，又輕輕地，輕輕地落在云峰塔蒼翠的麻椒樹上……
. 4 .
我望著墻上這幅畫，心里有一種說不出的味道。我開始研究這幅畫，可是除了發(fā)現(xiàn)這微笑里有一種邪惡的威脅和溫情的允諾之外，我再也找不到什么。
妻子同我的關(guān)系越來越冷淡了。這時(shí)，我不得不放下理科書，讀一點(diǎn)文學(xué)書，讀一點(diǎn)美學(xué)書。我接觸了佛洛伊德的著作，接觸了心理分析法。原來這微笑是達(dá)·芬奇母親的微笑。達(dá)·芬奇是一個(gè)私生子。他母親對(duì)他的愛是特殊的。這種愛是為了彌補(bǔ)她沒有丈夫的苦，同時(shí)又是為了補(bǔ)償她的孩子得不到父親的愛撫。他的母親在像一切得不到滿足的母親那樣，把小兒子當(dāng)成丈夫去愛，這是一種既有父親又有母親的兩性同體的愛，因而是一種兩種對(duì)立的東西摻雜在一起的愛。?。∥沂嵌嗝吹臏\薄。
云峰山上的茶花開了，香氣四溢；碧云潭里的河水綠了，漣漪蕩漾。我時(shí)時(shí)朝云峰塔走去。我們沒有攝下合影，我們沒有攝下集姐愛、弟愛于一體的微笑。
· 5 ·
早晨的朦朧里，傍晚的霞光里，我徘徊在云峰山上，躑躅在碧云潭邊。我想起蒙娜麗莎的微笑，靜望著碧云潭里顫顫的塔，輕輕的影。
“ 你生活得還好吧！”一次偶然的機(jī)會(huì)，我在塔下又遇到了文靜同學(xué)。她問我。
“ …… ”我的淚水流了出來。
她遞給我一塊手帕，我接了，“靜姐！我對(duì)不起你，我也對(duì)不起我自己…… ”。
“ 你不要這樣說。這不僅是我倆的悲劇，這是整個(gè)大學(xué)生的悲劇?，F(xiàn)在真正有愛情的家庭又有多少？”
“ 你不要為我開脫，我們已不再年輕了?！辈恢醯模艺f出這樣的話。
“ 你不要過多的痛苦，人沒有靈魂，何必要這軀殼；如果有靈魂，又何必要這軀殼。”
碧云潭里，有顫顫的塔，悠悠的影。
—END—
塔 影 悠 悠
（漢英對(duì)照版）
作者 黃思靜
英譯 黃思靜
Authored by Huang Sijing
Translated by Huang Sijing
Tower shadow quivers
· 1 ·
One
河水篩過沙灘，送來潺潺的聲音。對(duì)河云峰塔，在碧云潭上投下修長(zhǎng)的倩影，淪漪泛起，倒影悠悠。江邊送來陣陣寒風(fēng)，我低徊在蓼水河邊。
The river water sifted through the sandy beach , sending the sound of gurgling . On opposite bank , Yunfeng tower casted a slender shadow on Biyun lake , waves rippling and shadow fluttering . I was wandering by the Liaoshui river , blowing gusts of cold wind from the shore
“ 你不僅要學(xué)會(huì)記著，還要學(xué)會(huì)忘記?！?/p>
“ You should not only learn to remember , but also learn to forget . ”
“ 云峰山上留下我們多少足跡，碧云潭里映下我們多少笑臉。同窗共讀整四載，促膝并肩兩無猜。這怎么能忘懷呢？”
“ How many footprints had we left on Yunfeng mountain , and how smiling faces were reflected in the Biyun lake . We had been studying together under a window for four years and sat side by side no guessing . How can this be forgotten ? ”
“ 那么，就讓我做你的親姐姐吧?！边@或許是人與人之間的那種羞澀的表情吧，我預(yù)感到了什么。
“ Let me be your sister . ” This might be the shy expression between people . I had a hunch of something .
女孩走了，男孩也走了。河中的幾只白鷺也輕輕地飛走了。
The girl was gone , and the boy left too . Several egrets in the river also flew away gently .
· 2 ·
Two
難道就這樣輕松、平淡嗎？沒有小說里所寫的分手的痛苦和落魄。二十年來，我卻有著深深的思戀和緬懷。那時(shí)我在一所大學(xué)讀書。一天我們到蓼湄春游，游過這座云峰塔。我們班上一對(duì)對(duì)的同學(xué)，都選擇了一個(gè)角度，以塔作為背景，攝下了一張張美麗的合影。
Was it so light and plain ? There was no pain and frustration of breaking up written in the novel . For twenty years , but I had deep thoughts and memories . I was studying in a university at that time . One day we went on a spring outing to Liaomei , and visited the Yunfeng tower . Selecting an angle , with the tower as background , student couples in our class took one beautiful after another
“ 思思，我倆也來一張合影吧！”文靜同學(xué)說了這句話，臉都紅了。
“ Sisi , let's take a group photo , too . ” Wenjing blushed when she said this .
“不，不。”我那時(shí)只有十八歲，我不懂得人與人之間的相處，是要有一種羞澀的表情的。
“ No , no . ” I was only eighteen , and I didn't understand that people needed a shy expression to get along with each other
她望著我，望著我，眼里涌出了一層淚花。我也望著她的眼睛，忽地我發(fā)現(xiàn)了一個(gè)奇跡：我修長(zhǎng)的身影倒映在她的瞳孔里，形成了一個(gè)顫動(dòng)的人影，仿佛云峰塔修長(zhǎng)的影子倒映在碧云潭上，顫顫悠悠。
She looked at me , tears welled up in her eyes . While I looked into her eyes ，suddenly I found a miracle : My slender figure was reflected in her pupils to form a trembing figure , like the shadow of Yunfeng tower was reflected on Biyun lake , trembling .
那時(shí)年紀(jì)雖小，可是我也深知文靜對(duì)我是很微妙的。
Although I was young at that time , I knew Wenjing was very subtle to me .
一次，我洗了被子，她主動(dòng)來到寢室?guī)臀铱p被子。她一邊縫一邊唱。她唱的是《天仙配》里的“ 樹上鳥兒成雙對(duì)，綠水青山帶笑顏。”她唱得顫顫的，甜甜的。雖然我不懂音樂，可是，她是用心靈唱的，當(dāng)然我能感受到。可是，那時(shí)我很年輕，我有彩色的夢(mèng)，她，我還沒有很好地想過，雖然她身上有一種特殊的氣質(zhì)。
Once , when I had washed the quilt , she came to bedroom on her own initiative to sew a quilt . She sang as she sewed .She sang : “ With pairs of birds singing on the tree so green river and mounts look great . ” of Tianxianpei . She sang with a quiver of sweetness . She sang with her heart , Of course I could feel it , although I didn't understand the music . But I was very young at that time , and I had colorful dreams and I hadn't thought about her very well , although she had a special temperament .
“ 我送你一張相片?！碑厴I(yè)時(shí)，我為了使自己的心平靜一些。
“ I'll send you a picture . ” When I graduated , I wanted to calm my heart .
她接了，貼在心窩上。頭又低下來，好像憶起了什么。
She took it and stuck it on her heart . Her head dropped as if she remembered something .
“ 不過，我的不能送你。我倒可以送你一張蒙娜麗莎的像。”她的眼里又是水光朦朧。
“But I can't send you my potos . I can give you a Mona Lisa . ”
Her eyes were full of tears again .
她咋這多傷感，這多悵然，我卻很平常、輕松。
Why was she so sad and so disappointed , but I was plain and relaxed .
· 3 ·
Three
畢業(yè)后，我被分配到蓼湄的一個(gè)化工廠，云峰塔的附近。我當(dāng)上了工程師，也找到了一位有才華的愛人，蓼湄中學(xué)的一位英語教師，不是同學(xué)。
After graduation , I was assigned to a chemical plant which near Yunfeng tower in Liaomei . I became an engineer and I also found a talented lover who was an English teacher of Liaomei middle school and not my schoolmate .
后來，我和妻子感情不好，我時(shí)時(shí)被房里蒙娜麗莎的微笑觸痛。我極想在這微笑里尋找一種什么東西。久看一會(huì)兒，這微笑，又像是文靜同學(xué)的微笑。記得那次音樂課考試，老師安排文靜同學(xué)彈鋼琴伴奏，讓同學(xué)一個(gè)一個(gè)地唱。文靜同學(xué)的鋼琴演奏達(dá)到了超凡脫俗的境界。我唱時(shí)，不知為什么，我未唱完就停了下來。同學(xué)們哈哈大笑起來。文靜同學(xué)說了句“你啦！”，臉上露出一種神秘而溫馨的笑。
Later , my wife and I had a bad relationship , and I was often hurt by the smile of the Mona Lisa in the room . I wanted to find something in this smile . Looking for a while ， this smile was like the smile of Wenjing classmate . I remembered that the teacher arranged Wenjing to play the piano to accompany in a music exam , and the teacher asked the student to sing one by one . Wenjing piano performance had reached an extraordinary level . When I was singing , I didn't know why I stopped before I finished singing The students laughed . Wenjing said : “ You la ！” , and there was a mysterious and warm smile on her face
妻子也喜歡彈鋼琴，也喜歡彈《梁祝》。《梁?！酚幸环N驚撼人心的旋律和一種闊大的悲愴?！笆讼嗨颓榍星?，誰知一別在樓臺(tái)”。我也聽得一往情深，我也聽得淚流面頰。聽著聽著，我進(jìn)入了一種幻覺，琴臺(tái)上的妻子變成了文靜同學(xué)。隨著琴聲，我仿佛看到了幾只白鷺在碧云潭邊梳理羽毛，又輕輕地，輕輕地飛起，又輕輕地，輕輕地落在云峰塔蒼翠的麻椒樹上……
My wife also liked playing the piano , and she also liked to play butterfly lovers . Liang Zhu had a shocking melody and a broad pathetique . “Eighteen send each other off , who knows one is not on the balcony . ” I heard it very affectionately , and I also heard tears streaming down my cheeks . Listening , I was in an illusion , and I found that my wife on stage became Wenjing classmate . with the sound of the piano , I seemed to see several egrets combing their feathers by the Biyun lake and flying up gently and gently falling on the green pepper tree of Yunfeng tower.
· 4 ·
Four
我望著墻上這幅畫，心里有一種說不出的味道。我開始研究這幅畫，可是除了發(fā)現(xiàn)這微笑里有一種邪惡的威脅和溫情的允諾之外，我再也找不到什么。
Looking up at the picture on the wall , there was an unspeakable taste in my heart . I began to study the painting . I can't find anything anymore , except an evil threat and a kind of warm permission .
妻子同我的關(guān)系越來越冷淡了。這時(shí)，我不得不放下理科書，讀一點(diǎn)文學(xué)書，讀一點(diǎn)美學(xué)書。我接觸了佛洛伊德的著作，接觸了心理分析法。原來這微笑是達(dá)·芬奇母親的微笑。達(dá)·芬奇是一個(gè)私生子。他母親對(duì)他的愛是特殊的。這種愛是為了彌補(bǔ)她沒有丈夫的苦，同時(shí)又是為了補(bǔ)償她的孩子得不到父親的愛撫。他的母親在像一切得不到滿足的母親那樣，把小兒子當(dāng)成丈夫去愛，這是一種既有父親又有母親的兩性同體的愛，因而是一種兩種對(duì)立的東西摻雜在一起的愛。?。∥沂嵌嗝吹臏\薄。
The relationship between my wife and me was getting colder and colder . At this time , I had to put down my science book to read a little literature and a little aesthetics . I came into contact with works of Freud to learn psychoanalysis . It turns out that this smile is Leonard da Vinci's mother's smile . Da Vinci was a bastard . His mother's love for him was special . This love was to make up for her lack of a husband . At the same time , this kind of love was to compensate for child's lack of father' caress . His mother was like an unsatisfied mother to love children as husbands . This was a kind of androgynous love with both father and mother , therefore , it was a kind of love mixed with two opposite things . Ah ！ How shallow I was .
云峰山上的茶花開了，香氣四溢；碧云潭里的河水綠了，漣漪蕩漾。我時(shí)時(shí)朝云峰塔走去。我們沒有攝下合影，我們沒有攝下集姐愛、弟愛于一體的微笑。
Camellia blossomed on Yunfeng mountain , fragrance overflowing . The water in Biyun lake was green , rippling . I always walked towards Yunfeng tower . We didn't take a group photo . We didn't capture the smile of sister love and brother love .
· 5 ·
Five
早晨的朦朧里，傍晚的霞光里，我徘徊在云峰山上，躑躅在碧云潭邊。我想起蒙娜麗莎的微笑，靜望著碧云潭里顫顫的塔，輕輕的影。
In the haze of the morning and the glow of the evening , I wandered on Yunfeng mountain , and I wandered by the Biyun lake . I thought of Mana Lisa's smile , quietly looking at the gentle shadow of the trembling tower in the Biyun lake .
“ 你生活得還好吧！”一次偶然的機(jī)會(huì)，我在塔下又遇到了文靜同學(xué)。她問我。
“ How's your life ! ” By chance , I met Wenjing classmate again under the tower . she asked me .
“ …… ”我的淚水流了出來。
“ …… ” My tears came out
她遞給我一塊手帕，我接了，“ 靜姐！我對(duì)不起你，我也對(duì)不起我自己…… ”。
She handed me a handkerchief , and I got it , “ Sister Jing ! I'm sorry for you and myself …… ”
“ 你不要這樣說。這不僅是我倆的悲劇，這是整個(gè)大學(xué)生的悲劇?，F(xiàn)在真正有愛情的家庭又有多少？”
“ Don't say that . This is not only our tragedy , this is the tragedy of whole college students . How many families are there really in love now ? ”
“ 你不要為我開脫，我們已不再年輕了?！辈恢醯模艺f出這樣的話。
“ Don't excuse me , and we are no longer young . ” Somehow I said such a thing
“ 你不要過多的痛苦，人沒有靈魂，何必要這軀殼；如果有靈魂，又何必要這軀殼?！?/p>
“ Don't suffer too much . People have no soul , why need this body ; if you have a soul , why do you need this body . ”
碧云潭里，有顫顫的塔，悠悠的影。
In the Biyun lake , there was trembling towers and long shadows .
—END—
作者簡(jiǎn)介：黃思靜，男，湖南省洞口縣高沙鎮(zhèn)人。已發(fā)表作品：散文《虎門看?！罚F(xiàn)代詩(shī)《那綠色的常春藤》，詞《滿江紅 . 瞻魏源故居》，小說《塔影悠悠》。
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